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The deep affection for cats seems inexplicable, transcending reason. Those who harbor disdain for felines do so without logical justification. But why do cats evoke such strong emotions in us? It's because they expose the truth about human emotional systems through their own feline behavior.
Cats possess a remarkable trait: emotional self-differentiation.
This concept, central to the Bowen Theory, signifies maturity. Cats know what they like and who they like. They set their own boundaries, refusing to be trained. Seeking emotional support when they desire it, they remain independent and unapologetically self-differentiated.
Those who dislike cats might find discomfort in the presence of individuals who refuse to engage in emotional turmoil within human systems.
Cats Reject Others' Anxiety
In the midst of human drama, cats often withdraw or distance themselves, hissing and entering defensive mode until they can escape. They refuse to accept anxiety from others.
While they may choose to purr around you when you're upset, it's purely coincidental. Cats take care of their own emotional distress. They don't seek help. They fight their own battles and never seek to recruit others to share their anxiety, as humans often do.
Cats Strike a Balance Between Closeness and Distance
Cats never become overly dependent on you, yet they never distance themselves to the point of neglecting you upon your return. They have mastered the art of maintaining an ideal balance between closeness and distance, a feat that eludes many humans. Humans tend to either fuse together or create distance in response to anxiety, but not cats.
Whether you're gone for a year or just an hour, it makes no difference to them. They react in a consistent manner upon your return. The longer you're away, the less their reaction intensifies. Humans often respect the boundaries of cats more than the emotional boundaries of other humans!
Cats are Detached yet Connected
They never truly leave the system. They go about their own business and suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, they enter the emotional system, purring and seeking affection on their own terms. Coaxing them will only result in disdain and neutrality. Attempting to stop them when they crave attention will lead to a brush-off.
Cats Learn This Behavior from Their Parents
As kittens, they display little self-differentiation except when they ruthlessly push their siblings aside to get the last bit of milk, even if their siblings may be starving. Cats are social animals, but even the mother maintains her self-differentiation. She feeds when she feels like it and protects the litter without demanding anything more from the father.
Humans are fascinated by this balance of closeness and distance, admiring their ability to navigate it.
Cats May Experience Anxiety During Times of Change, but They Handle It Themselves
Humans constantly seek out triangles, unable to handle the common anxieties of life on their own. Cats, however, manage their own anxiety like the elder leader of a lion pride. When a young lion challenges the pride leader, the leader may engage in a ceremonial fight but handles the anxiety independently. They don't seek to share the anxiety with anyone. They step aside and observe the pride moving forward without them.
Humans both admire and fear this behavior. Those who are self-differentiated can be intimidating to those who are not. Humans tend to flock together, especially in times of change or turmoil, rather than dealing with anxiety on an individual level.
Cats Prey on Herds
Cats prey on fearful herds, but they never form herds themselves. Instead, they form prides. Even the name itself suggests independence and positive attributes.
When humans experience anxiety, they tend to band together, either attacking the anxiety or fleeing from it, rather than dealing with it directly. Consider the unsettling images of lions hunting herds of Asiatic buffalo or gazelles on television documentaries. Notice how if the herd turned on the cats, the cats would lose. Even a few of the massive beasts could easily overpower the agile but vulnerable cats, yet the cats would run in panic.
Herds engage in groupthink and panic, running from anxiety or senselessly attacking each other in an attempt to find the cause of their fear. Rarely do they attack the true predator that has been stalking them. Cats, on the other hand, can switch prides according to their own self-interest.
Cats can Act Like Kittens When They Feel Like It
Delightfully, cats occasionally exhibit behaviors reminiscent of kittens—playing with balls or dancing in response to a laser light. Cats can regress when they feel mischievous or curious.
This ability to regress is not a sign of emotional weakness but rather an inclination to be emotionally open when they desire it. The key is that they act on their own terms. Their unpredictability is enchanting to most humans. Some humans, however, despise cats precisely because they cannot be emotionally manipulated, refuse to engage in triangulation, and appear uninterested and selfish to those seeking an anxiety partner.
These are just a few reasons why humans love cats. They reflect the emotional health depicted in Bowen's Family System Theory, which divides humans into distinct factions. Some despise cats for the same reasons some individuals dislike self-differentiated people. Like cats, self-differentiated individuals cannot be emotionally coerced, do not easily succumb to triangulation, and appear uncaring and selfish to those searching for an anxiety partner.
It would be wise to remember this: cats prey on herds, while herds run from cats.
